More like Jesus

Cal Sullivan

During our recent summer vacation what became a central theme to the holiday was family and a need to connect. Not to take being family for granted, but rather to connect at a deeper level; to understand each other as best we could - including dealing with some uncomfortable things like, anger, hurt, rejection. The result, while still a work in progress, was that we drew closer with a better understanding of, and love for, each other.

For me, family is important because it is an expression of how God reveals community; a living reflection of His character; a place to learn more about Him and pass it on.

A strong Christ-centred family is a safe place - a place of refuge, a place to turn to when things get tough, a place where you experience love without condemnation, a place to be yourself, and a place to nurture and help you grow - mirroring Jesus’ relationship with us.

But sometimes the family can be quite the opposite of this; a place where conflict and pain can result in hurt that can stay with us.

As parents, spouses, friends and colleagues we have a responsibility to create a loving, nurturing environment with safe boundaries and, most importantly, one that is Christ-centred not us-centred.

After self-reflection and some insight and guidance from fellow Christians, here are some thoughts around what I feel is critical to a healthy family environment. This starts with me first and, before you read, let me be honest and say it is a work in progress and something I need to constantly work on.

• Make grace the atmosphere of your home
  Follow the way of Jesus by meeting one another with compassion, patience and forgiveness. Home doesn’t need to be a place where people get everything right, but where mistakes are met with grace, forgiveness is offered quickly, and people are helped to grow.

• Be anchored in love
  Let the love described in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 shape the ordinary moments of family life. Practise patience, kindness and gentleness, especially when you’re tired, frustrated or under pressure.

• Make space for each person to become who God made them to be
  Listen well, resist comparison and celebrate the different personalities, interests and gifts within your family. Psalm 139:14 reminds us that each person is wonderfully made, so part of loving them is valuing them for who they are in their God-given identity.

• Create boundaries that help people feel safe and grow
  Healthy boundaries are an expression of grace; they’re one of the ways that love protects and forms us. Keep expectations clear and consistent, correct gently rather than in anger, and make home a place where people can ask questions, admit mistakes and talk honestly without fearing rejection.

• Let your own life point towards Jesus
  Build simple rhythms of scripture, prayer and gratitude into everyday life. Respect, humility and self-control are learned as much by watching as by being taught. Honour one another’s voice, practising mutual respect by allowing people to express their opinions and boundaries. Treat their thoughts as valuable, even when you disagree. Value each person’s privacy and personal space, acknowledging that they are individual image-bearers of God (Genesis 1:27).

A Christ-centred home isn't a perfect home; it’s one where everyone is learning together how to become more like Jesus.