Life's valued relationships
Ian Revie
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church - a love marked by giving, not getting.
Ephesians 5:25 (MSG)
We have had quite a spate of family weddings over the last year and now both our daughters are planning to get married in 2026. We are also seeing quite a few of our older friends' relationships falling out of love and into turmoil. It has made me reflect on what it's all about - why do relationships form and fail? Does this apply to husbands and wives, or are other relationships equally as valued and sensitive?
What I see is: whether it is husband, wife, business partners, or life long friends, there is a special place for the valued relationship. Many of the key guiding principles are similar to marriage and I love just reading through Ephesians 5 - where Paul, although not in a marriage relationship , is a true master of other relationships (Paul & Silas, Paul & Luke, Paul & Apollos). Some of these were business partnerships, some strong friendships and some driven from Paul's love for the church.
The closest and most valued relationships are intertwined with mutual respect. At one of our recent weddings, a speech was made that was dominated by Ephesians 5. It was the first time I have really heard one of the core messages: “…a love marked by giving, not getting.” (v25).
The message was, “Don't give in order to receive. Give just to give and enjoy the other person receiving. Don't wait to respond - give. In the same vein, be a great receiver and make it easy for the giver…” This is a bit of a conundrum for me - if we dont give we wont know how to receive, and if we don’t receive we wont know how to give!!!
The whole sense of relationship is mapped out simply by Paul in Ephesians 5:
Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.
Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church - a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favour - since they’re already “one” in marriage.
No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honour her husband.
Ephesians 5:21-33
This is not a half hearted giving & receiving, We give and we receive because Christ gave.
In relation to marriages, Paul sets the standard for husbands, and it’s a high standard.
Stop and think about the many ways in which your partner complements, completes, helps, and is just right for you. You might say: ‘They already know that I respect and value them.’ Perhaps, but we all love to hear appreciation from our partners.
Say it with flowers from time to time, pay attention to the little things as well as the big things that make your life better. When they talk, give 100 percent of your attention, and let them know that their thoughts and feelings matter to you. Have a weekly date or focussed time to share and provide the space with a deliberate target of valued time together and share the vision - a love marked by giving, not getting.
